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... To find information on the hundreds of millions of Web pages that exist, a search engine employs special software robots, called spiders, to build lists of the ...
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And I did, and it's frightening.
You know, there is a difference between solitude and loneliness.
And this is the difference.
A woman.
You're not alone or lonely when there is a woman in your house.
I mean how can you be, there is so much to do.
So much to listen to.
To understand.
To sympathise with.
Take this weekend for instance.
The business client I had to send important documents to before her return to the States was obviously a tart. Why else would I want to catch the last Saturday post?
Why else indeed?
Maybe that I wanted to secure a critical financial deal?
Nope, What I really wanted was to know the colour of her knickers (woman says)
I say, if you only knew how little the colour of her knickers preoccupied me?
She says I know how much they interest you, don't worry.
This is a problem.

The problem is that men don't see things as they really are.
We have optical, visual and emotional tunnel vision, woman says.
This means that even if we don't see the butter in the fridge, it could still be there.
Likewise, even though the colour of client's knickers hasn't crossed my mind, it doesn't mean it isn't in my mind.
Hmm! I think I'm getting the picture now.
Now knickers colour really is in my mind, I can't think of anything else.
Which proves woman in house is right.

I'm sorry if you find this frivolous but you did say everything was relevant and not to leave anything out.
I'm trying to get to a point.
And the point is this.
Things can be put into your mind that you don't own or even want to be there.
But these things then become yours because you can't release them from your mind;

Like an obsession that controls and eventually consumes you.
Should I be more specific?
OK. Right.
These are my current innermost thoughts…this is me thinking….
I say to myself, or myself says to me, forget the knickers thing (if only I could), and focus instead on what's on your mind that isn't from your mind.
Like uhm?
Ed and Frances?
Hell, I didn't want to write that, but I did.
Or at least I'm not sure if I did.

There, you see.
But maybe you see nothing.
Like I mean, how can we know when a thought is ours?

I've lost control of my website.
They've taken it over.
Search Engine Optimisation?
Forget it.
I reckon they've recruited search engine spiders and control them.

Do you remember 'Sparky's magic piano'?
No of course you don't it was before your time. I think. Although you know, I've never asked your age and surely never will.
But some family friends were visiting from Verona the other week and their eight year old son was playing this song over and over and guess what …as a kid I did the very same thing, I was obsessed by this song. It's about a little boy who isn't doing very well with his piano lessons and his teacher is getting progressively angry with him and he just can't hack it and suddenly one day his piano talks to him and tells him to 'Run your fingers over my keys, I'll play anything you want me to play, Sparky'
The kid becomes famous and of course it goes to his head and eventually he chooses to believe that it's him, Sparky, who is playing and not the magic piano.
'No, I'm playing for you, Sparky!!'…Says Magic Piano.
So, consider this.
Sometimes words appear on this screen by themselves.
Sometimes I type stuff and my fingers are hammering away like a Reuters journalist.
And I 'm not sure if the words are coming from me.
What's more, I'm convinced Ed and Francis have taken control of my Google Desktop search engine.
I reckon they are training for something.
And I think I know what it is.
And it's not Sparky's magic piano they're after.
It's world domination

Now you're cross with me I know.

You think it's the same old problem re-emerging.

You think I should get out more, Hey! Join a club, start jogging, collect stamps, get away from those mysterious mountains with their ghosts and Sibylline shadows.
Stop eating meat, join a Chess club and keep away from that computer.

And if I did that, do you think it would stop them?
Stop them from doing what exactly?
Ah, but that's it, I can't tell you.
I really cannot.
But can't you see where this is heading?

Surely you've read that Google are soon going to ingest every library on Earth and that they will soon be some massive extension of our brains? And that if each one of us has a Google Desktop search engine, that Google will have direct entry to our computers? Do you doubt this? Don't. I've tested this hypothesis, hypothesis heck! It's a reality.
And who will control this massive resource?

Oh we will!
Oh yes we will.
And the world will become a musical instrument.
And music will become the food of love once more
Have you seen our love dance?
Yes you have, we know you have.

Why would you want to resist us?
We've more a right to this planet than you, wouldn't you say?

How about a date?

We think you'd like to know what it feels like to dance within music, to be music itself.
Join us at 11pm precisely in the bathroom.

Be a spider for a while.
You'll like the feeling.
Of this we are quite sure.
Trust us.
We trust you.
You are our friend.
Our chosen one.
And we know you won't betray us.
Because if you ever did, it would mean instant death.
By a spider bite.
A double spider bite.
That is…by two spiders.

Much love,

Ed and Frances